Dreams: Fundamentals!

picture source: http://thompaul3.files.wordpress.com/2013/07/live-your-dreams-my-dream-is-23986887-1600-1200.jpg

Dreams? What was mine? When I was child I remember that there was a time that i told my mother that I wanted to be a janitor. I saw them one night in our house and she mentioned it. Everyone laughed and one of them told me that it would not be hard to achieve it. Their laugh indicated that it was not a good dream to chase after. 

A couple of years later. I changed it to become a soldier. But when I was about to enter high school, mother told me that she would not accept less than the Philippine Military Academy. Then, I entered the high school seminary. I swear I made a lot of dreams there. In contrary though becoming a priest was never entertained for a long time. It was a fleeting thought. That would have depend as to where I am. In front of my religious relative, I wanted to be a priest.

When i entered college it was a different story. I dreamed of changing society and the form of government. I was the idealistic ass who thought that what I did was somewhat honorable. I joined in groups after groups participated in activities that added white hairs to my mother's hair. I was convinced that it was the right thing to do. But after I saw the real deal I had to quit.

I went to Manila to take my chances. My family accepted me back. I was on a roll again. I had different plans though. I wanted to be alone. I did not want to be under the wings of my father. I left them to live in a 5x6 apartment. A small one but the sense of freedom gave me solitude. There I dreamed of success again. I had to do stuff that sometimes unethical but was practiced by the people around me. I learned from them. Money was just a phone call away. Life was a happy one. It was a short lived moment though. My girlfriend got pregnant. She was getting sick of the city. So I had to let her go home. Man, the sufferings that I had that time was enormous. I bore it all because that time it was my dream to be a good father to the kid that we had. She gave birth and I have to move to Cebu.

Life was never better. I had to transfer from one job to another. From one call center to the next. One gave me a chance and saw the potential in me. I became a trainer. It was short lived though and I was given a team in operations. Short lived again and I moved out. 

I became a teacher. Convinced that perhaps it was my calling since a lot of my relatives were teachers. I was teaching Koreans to speak English. I was a good one! I was booked from morning till the night. Then, I got tired and a student offered me to help him in making a business in Cebu. Guess what happened? Short lived! It never materialized. I had to go back to the call center world. 

I can proudly say that not a lot of people can do what I have done. Perhaps, none of them are stupid like me or just not talented enough. Sad to admit that until now I have never reached my dream. It started to change as I aged. As I reach other priorities in life my dreams become better or harder. That's the lesson that I learned. Honestly, I can settle for a life of a janitor with a happy family. To be able to say good night to your kids and kiss them. To hear them call you father. I can live with that. But my life now is complicated. I got kids with two different mothers. And I'm neither married to anyone. Got a job that offers me the excitement that I long for. So it's more than the complication itself. 

So what is my dream? I think I would settle for the the most fundamental one. A family!